Billy Eichner roasts everyone in magnificently mean Kimmel guest host monologue

Give Billy Eichner a talk show (that's filmed indoors), you cowards.

Eichner's first night as guest host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! (or as he put it, "another night of entertainment in our disease-ravaged fascist state") gave him the opportunity to do what he does best: be wonderfully, emphatically mean to whoever he wanted, including mask-haters, himself, and the absent host.

"I'm here filling in for Jimmy Kimmel tonight, because when I think about who deserves two months off from work, it's definitely public school teachers and the man who won an Emmy for producing a one-night reboot of The Jeffersons," he deadpanned.

He also took random (fictional) fans to task with a series of appropriately abrasive Cameos, from Sarah who needs to examine her ingrained racism to Gwen who won't wear a goddamn mask when she leaves the house.

"You know what, Seth?" he asked a young "fan" celebrating his bar mitzvah. "Maybe you should tell your parents to take the $50,000 they're spending on a birthday party for you, a child who's accomplished nothing, and use it to play a little party game I like to call reparations."

One person he wasn't game to shade was his Lion King co-star Beyoncé, because, y'know, Beyoncé. Instead, Eichner got me briefly excited by "announcing" he had his own spinoff from the live-action remake to compete with the queen's upcoming visual album.

"If you liked Black Panther, you will love Gay Meerkat," he said, over a mockup of the poster. "And yes, that is a picture of Timon holding a sign that says STONEWALL WAS A RIOT. You won’t find that on the shows Sebastian Maniscalco’s hosting here next week."

If they're going to keep giving late night talk shows to white guys — and you know they are because they couldn't name a woman if they tried — let's at least make them give one to this glorious tall glass of acid. Let's go, lesbians!