Here's the thing about dating app bios: Most of them are incredibly bad. Most dating app bios are too long and too boring, especially for something people might not even be reading.
A lot of users, particularly on swipe apps like Tinder and Bumble, seem to think that providing a slew of "fun facts" in their bio is the key to profile success. But this isn't necessarily the case.
"I don't need to know that someone loves travel, craft brews, and hiking. Also, everyone loves to travel. Stop saying you love to travel," one swiper, Anna, explained. "I think exchanging those details are what a first date is for anyway. I prefer a bio that shows the person is clever or has a personality."
That's why we're here to advocate for the "one really good joke" bio: short, clever, and never more than two sentences.
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Of course, you can't just pick just any two sentences. There is some garbage that you should never, under any circumstances, put in your bio. For example, the word "wanderlust" is stupid and should never appear anywhere, no matter how much you like mountains. The same goes for the following:
Your dislike for Instagram and Snapchat face filters. (No one cares if you don't like them, and you will not make anyone stop using them.)
The names of the airports you have been to.
Name dropping of any kind.
A bunch of fake positive "reviews" written by Oprah or the Washington Post or whatever. Not good.
We also need to do away with the idea that bios need to contain any personal information whatsoever -- no job, no siblings, no cities you have previously visited, no celebrities with whom you have shared a brief conversation. Again, the time to learn that stuff is not while reading a bio. It's during the conversation that happens after you match. And if you don't match, it's never!
A few ideas to get you started
1. It may be useful to peruse profiles of your favorite hot celebrities for inspiration. Here's a good bio suggestion from The Cut's profile of noted heartthrob Noah Centineo: "Thirst architect." Don't you want to plan thirst? Draft thirst? Supervise the construction of thirst? Same.
2. Make your bio your typical bagel order. For example: "Poppy seed with fried eggs and American cheese."
3. You know how people put their heights in their bios? Do that, but say you are 9 feet tall. Better yet, quote the great Canadian thinker Carly Rae Jepsen: Say you are "10 feet, 10 feet tall."
4. Identify yourself as "three people stacked in a trench coat."
5. Ask for advice on how to keep your dying plant alive. Be sure to specify plant type.
6. Reveal whether or not you are a spy. This could be "Not a spy." It could also be "I'm a spy."
7. Courtesy of writer and comedian Megan Amram, the greatest question of all: "Which is the right religion?"
8. Identify your favorite Vine. Don't say why (boring), just say which one it is.
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9. Another To All the Boys I've Loved Before reference: "Sexy little Rubik's cube." Good way to check if your matches have seen the movie.
10. "Are you a big jazz boy or a little jazz boy?"
11. Describe yourself the same way a contestant on Great British Bake-Off has described a baked good.
12. Ask for a song recommendation. Could this go horribly wrong? Yes. But you also might learn something cool. Kind of like dating.
13. "I am a bot."
14. "Swipe right and I will reveal my SAT score." Like flies to honey!
15. This is a controversial one, but we do think an emoji-only bio is permissible. The key is to assemble an unexpected sequence of emoji, like dolphin-lightning-hedgehog-strawberry or something. Intriguing.
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